Scary Dream, Scary Thought

Apr 8, 2007
Scary Dream, Scary Thoughts
Current mood:nervous

I had a very real dream last night. It's been disturbing me most of the day. I dreamed that I had a dream the previous night that I had died. In the dream (in my dream) it was like all of a sudden, I just became weak and I felt someone lift my hand up high in the air and announce something but I didn't know what. That was it. I was gone. So then I woke up (in my dream) and I was very scared and I kept telling people "I had a dream that I'm going to die today". And people were - they were good about it. No one said "Oh stop it" or anything like that. No one said "No you won't". No one said "Okay". But they seemed okay - nervous but okay. So I wandered through my day paranoid thinking about things like "how will my family get through this if it happens? I'll get to see Jon, but what about my poor family and friends? Who will clean out my house and remove my personal items that I don't want people seeing?" And suddenly that became my biggest concern. As the day went on, I finally stopped being paranoid...and then I was walking out of a building and I looked at the time and it was a little after 8pm. I gasped in fear as I remembered that my dream said this was my "dying day" and I only had a few more hours before I would be able to relax knowing it was just a dream. Just then I felt like something just stunned me, and it was bright, I felt myself withering and then felt someone lift my hand up in the air, and then a voice said "8:14" - the time of my death. Instantly I was looking down at everything - I could see my parents at their house, I could see everything. I knew I had died and I was instantly sad/comforted. I was sad that I had died because...I'm so young and my family and friends are going to be in pain because of this....but I was comforted because I could see them. I still existed. I went down to earth and I picked up a towel or shirt or something off of the floor where my parents were and I began hitting them with it. Not to hurt them, but just so show them. The turned around to figure out where it was coming from and then my dad said "oh my god, it happened". They knew at that moment that I had died...but was still around. That gave me a slight comfort that they wouldn't have to wonder...but then still all I could think about was "who's going to go through my things?" I have a lot of things that I don't want family to see. I was thinking "I had all day to prepare for this, and to get rid of things or designate someone to go through my stuff...and instead I thought 'no - this can't happen to me'".

When I woke up FOR REAL, I was in the weirdest state. When I finally realized the dream I had...of the dream I had...I felt relieved to be awake in my own bed, though I've been a little disturbed all day. What do people do with their "wishes"? Not so much a will, but - well maybe it's in a will - maybe it's just a verbal agreement, or written agreement if you have a certain request. When Jon passed, Eric stayed the night at his house and went through everything to take out things that Jon would not have wanted others to find. And I know that's exactly what Jon would have wanted. I'm glad he did that. Anyway...I know this was a little disturbing, but man - it really puts a lot of questions in a person's mind. I'm not worried about dying today, but I don't think Jon was either...so what do you do? Who do you talk to if you want to write out a will? I know it's a scary thought...but...it was a scary dream too.