Doing Something More
Doing Something More
Well...I can't figure out how to get these to post to facebook yet, and maybe I won't figure it out. But I need to write anyway. I haven't written in a long time and I can feel it. Writing is the best release for me...I like when others read my posts, but even if they don't...it's never a waste to free the mind for a while.
Before I begin, I have to say..."SAW" is on TV right now and my neck literally hurts because I'm kinked in such a way so I DO NOT have to see any of it...and am disturbed that there are 3 people on my couch right now who seem to be really into it.
On to Something More. I don't know know what's happened lately...possibly it's a combination of events. But I do feel like I need to do something more with my life. Do not get me wrong, I am very happy where I am...but something has to change. I'm in a routine. Routine = stability (as I kind of give a "yeah right" giggle) but Routine also = Boredom. For the last couple months I have researched new career opportunities, new places to live, and have had baby fever. Then I realized the following:
Career: I love my job. I have been there for 5 years and I am learning more new things every single day. I have a great bunch of co-workers, and while it's no Doctor's salary...it's definitely acceptable. So why was I freaking out? Well...kind of because of my other thoughts for life's path. The economy is a burden for all of us right now...so I thought "I need to be in a field where I can make even more money"....as time went on, I wised up and realized....I'm safe in my job. We are doing great with no layoffs...why the hell would I risk my job security at a time like this - when it's a job I love? Well...that's where it morfs into wanting to move.
Where to Live: I've been in Duluth for basically 9 years. I lived out in Fredericksburg, VA for a little while, but then came back to Duluth. So part of it is...I'm feeling the itch to go. I miss being able to pack up and leave. Kind of miss the free spirit part of my soul. I own a house. I love my house...I've put a lot into it already, and it's exhausting...but...it's mine...and someday someone else will live here, and see what was "me" and then make it their own. All a part of the history. But....it's not easy to up and sell a house, not that I really even want to...but can't move away if you're a homeowner (at least not the average middle class Non-Snowbird homeowner). Also...my dog. I love her dearly and she is getting older. Still acts like a pup, but I'm facing it - she's getting older...and I wouldn't put her through a move just because "I'm bored". Now...going backwards a bit but...my other big thought was "Okay...let's say I move...what will I do for work?" Then I rolled backwards into the career choices. Is IT right for me? Yes, IT is a great field that will always be in high demand...but am I good enough yet? Would anyone else take me if I had to leave? I know it sounds silly. I didn't go to school for IT though - I learned everything I know while I've been there. And I've learned a lot...but still scared me to think about what else I could do.
Tieing up those thoughts: Economy + boredom = calm down and be patient. I'm going to give it another year - through another crappy winter, and when financial means are a little more managable, then if I still feel the same as I do right now...then I will reevaluate and make plans.
Baby Fever: Again...last couple months, I've been thinking about how much I want a baby. But I don't ever want to be a single mom. That got me thinking "If I met that person RIGHT NOW - and we got married in 3 years....and a year later I had a baby....I'd already be at least 31". Sounds silly that I thought all that...but those are the words that go with "tick....tock....tick...tock..." It really bothered me. Then in the last couple weeks, it really hit me that...it's not really "BABY fever" - it's "FAMILY fever". I'm not necessarily ready to jump in to having a child right now. But I'm ready just to settle down. I've had a great run of my party years (not to say that they are over....but not to define me anymore). I've got a house, and a great job....and I'm just ready for the rest. I'm ready to meet "that guy" - I'm ready to share my life. And that scares the hell out of me. For anyone that knows me well, I have done/still do everything on my own. I was brought up very independent and I love that about myself. But there is a difference between independent and selfish. I'm ready to share my life with someone. And to throw one last backwards zinger in there: If that isn't going to happen here in Duluth (which I really question), then where?
So all of these thoughts have led me to one great thing that I am very excited about. ROAD TRIP!!!! Late summer/early fall - I am taking 2 weeks - and I'm driving (just me) down to Denver to see my aunt, over to Salt Lake to see my grandma, and down to AZ to visit a friend (maybe a few - seems a lot of people are heading that way!!!). I think doing this, will put this whole blog (aside from the "SAW" junk) in perspective. Road trips are a great way to clear the mind. Plus...if I'm contemplating moving at all....I think this will either kill the bug (most likely) or confirm that it's time to go.
Until then....I would like to do something more with my life....and I don't know what exactly that means. I thought for about 3 seconds of going military...then I laughed my ass off. Sorry family, I still broke that chain. I respect it - I respect the hell out of it, but not anything that I would ever want to do. Maybe some sort of volunteer work. If I can get the time (which I don't have a lot of lately), maybe an Animal Shelter, or a mentor. I think that would be good. I'm not saying I'm on a mission to save the world or any Bono stuff like that...but I want to do something that does make a difference, to someone, to something, maybe even just to me. So if you have any ideas...I'm all ears....or eyes...
No comments:
Post a Comment