Missing You

Jan 22, 2008
Missing You
Current mood:pensive

Sometimes you really catch me off guard. I've had a nice quiet evening alone. Cleaned up the house, paid bills, relaxed....and "Don't Dream it's Over" started playing by Crowded House. Your face was SO vivid - I don't know why - I'm sure you liked this song...I could even see you singing it - I just see your face perfectly. It's times like this that force that lump in my throat and it grows down to the pit of my stomache. I'm doing okay. I can't believe it has officially been over a year. And I still can't believe...there is a lifetime to go still without you. But I'm doing alright. I think of you often; every day. Life is treating me pretty well. I miss you. You taught me the most important things. My boss said the other day "What do they have to be stressed about? Stress is losing a loved one" - as soon as he said it, I think he felt bad because he started working with us the day I returned after your death. I think he felt that he had struck a nerve, but I understood him completely. It's what you always told me that I never understood. People don't understand. Like you always said, "everyone will have 87 problems every day" (like getting a shoelace wet, or dropping a pen, etc...) but it's all small shit. I hate that it took this for me to realize. And I hate that it will take something like this for others to change their outlook. Hate it. Anyway, just an update that Budha is adorable and sleeping on a huge stack of pillows. There are a lot of things I wish I could talk to you about. Every day I think about the things I want to talk to you about. I could use your insight on some things. I always valued your opinion. You always looked out for me. You were looking out for my best interests....all the time! I'm glad I wrote down so many things. I get upset when I can't remember even the smallest thing...like your dive instructor's name. I think it was Sylvia....but maybe a slight variation of that name. That bothers me. I appreciate the way you would turn on Law & Order SVU for me before you fell asleep. I wish I could have spent more time with you. [Exhale]

Things are good. You'd be proud. Just wish I had more time. Missing you.