3 years past, 3 years future

3 years past 3 years future

February was a terrible month for me this year. Seasonal Affective Disorder hit hard!!! Well...it wasn't completely the weather. One day I had a surprise breakdown in the breakroom at work with a coworker. It started with me saying "I need a vacation" and then next thing I knew I had completely burst into tears. Was it work related...not really. It was just so many things going on where I COULDN'T work - I cried multiple times a day at my desk and I have NEVER been this way. I said to my friend, "I'm in a complete opposite place from where I was last year at this time. Last year I didn't know who I was or what I wanted, and I just partied my ass off. This year I know who I am, I know what I want and I can't have anything" - it sounded dramatic but I really was in a bad place. I was trying so hard to get where I wanted to be and I just road block after road block. My friend said to me "yes, but look at how far you've come in that one year and think about where you will be in another year". It was a great point. And things have gotten much better. I did take a little time off to myself and just kind of breathe for a while. That helped, and now the snow is gone and the sun is coming out and outdoor activities are starting again, so I'm doing well.

I started thinking about my friend's statement again today. I started thinking about what has happened in the last 3 years....and where I'd like to be in the next 3 years.

So...in the last 3 years...what a ride. 3 years ago, I still had my same job, but I only knew about 20% of what I know now. I had ended a relationship that needed to end, but remained friends. Jon was a best friend, a mentor, he was truly my every day . I became an aunti to my best firiend's child. I became an aunti to my brother's child. I bought my house. I did. All by myself. A few days later Jon passed away. Who cared about a house at that point? Who cared about anything? That was without a doubt, the hardest thing I have ever been through....it didn't last a day, it didn't last a month...how long did it last? I'll tell you when it's over. But I dealt. Even though all I wanted to do was go to work, come home and go to bed...I jumped back into the game and graduated from college. I took on new projects at my work, I started some remodel projects at home (I'll let you know when that's over too - hahaha!), I went to NC to be my best friend's maid of honor. My work sent me to Portland (just for a day) but I was flattered to be asked, I met SO many new friends that I'm thankful for in so many ways. I went to Salt Lake and visited my grandmother whom I have not heard from in....about 7 or 8 years, I went to New York....I really came a long way and crammed in a lot of things. When I look back on that, especially through the hardest part, I am amazed at how I pulled through and the things I have done.

Now to look ahead to the next few years.

Three years from now. 2012. Wow. I would like to have the house to myself in 3 years. Let me rephrase that. I would like to be able to comfortably afford my house to myself in 3 years. I love my roommates - they are fantastic. But I am excited to make a little office and have the spare room set up for guests. Not anytime soon though - so Tom if you are reading this - don't you leave me! :) I would like to have a new title at my work. Maybe I won't be in Duluth - I don't know. I've given myself a year to find out if I still feel the need to wander. I will have taken at least one road trip - that will take place in the next few months. :) I will have replaced the windows in the bedrooms, you know what? Just now I'm realizing that I don't want to make these plans. When I looked back on the previous 3 years, I was very happy to see what I had done....not what I didn't do. Maybe that's a better way to look at. Strive forward, but look back!!! Yep. I think I like this.

Okay, so apparently this blog took an entirely different turn from its original destination, but...I think I like where it's taking me.