Sabrina Soup

Nov 14, 2008
Sabrina Soup
Current mood:thoughtful

I call this one Sabrina Soup because it's going to be about a bunch of different random things I've thought about in recent weeks.
1. Turning a blind eye....sometimes a good thing....sometimes not. A few weeks ago I was on my usual walk with Budha. It was a gorgeous day and there were leaves all over the ground that made peaceful swish and crackle as we walked through them. Then all of the sudden, it hit me that we are still at war with Iraq. I remember the night we went to war. I remember thinking what a scary time we are living in. And now....it's 5 years later....and I've overlooked it. I think many of us have. There are still many families out there with loved ones fighting. And apart from that, many of us....are seeing our day to day blind to any war. Granted, we cannot dwell....but how sad....how sad that I had actually completely forgotten.
2. Speaking of turning a blind eye....Obama. When he first announced his running for presidency, of course...everyone probably wondered "a black president?" And every now and then that thought still crossed my mind. But when he was elected, I didn't even think about it....until they showed the faces of some of the black community rejoicing in his victory. And it wasn't until that moment when it really hit me...and maybe many others, what a truly historical day that was. That evening I watched the news as people called in with their opinions of the result. Some happy, some sad, some scared, some upset because McCain didn't win, but still respectful, and some....just flat ignorant. I'm sorry but - no I'm not sorry. If you're going to take the time...to call in and be heard on national television on a matter as important as the presidency, you'd better be damn sure to have your facts straight. Opinion is one thing - fact is another. From people saying Obama wasn't born in this country, to saying he's a Muslim, or that he's a terrorist. If you don't like him - hey - to each their own. But be valid if you're going to try to prove a point. About anything.
3. The lottery. Everyone has thought about it. A lot of a people have probably had to write an essay at some point in their lives about what they would do with a million dollars. And people say what they'd buy, where they'd go, what they'd pay off........but I wonder who would start something with their money. This isn't to judge at all because - one thing I don't like is when someone says "well so and so has enough money for that huge house, blah blah, and they can't give anything to blah blah charity". Charity is great. But it is NO ONE'S choice what another should spend their money on. It's one thing to see someone who doesn't have much money - buying something impractical....but if you have a million dollars, that shit is yours. Don't let people tell you what you should do with it. But I was thinking about this one day, and I thought the usual.....pay off all my bills, buy a Cadillac CTS, sell my house for a bigger one (not huge though), give a little here, give a little there....but then what? A lot of people would travel. That's respectable....I like traveling, but it's not something I dream of. I'd have to work - I'd get so bored if I didn't. So I decided if I won the lottery, after I did all that other crap...I'd open an animal shelter (or a few). It would be huge. I'd have trainers and groomers come in on a routine schedule. And connected to it would be a little shop with treats, toys, harnesses, cages, food, beds, tags (and we'd engrave of course), Hmmmm....it may sound like a loopy childish idea. But I'd love it.
4. Freak Out Finale. Last year I flipped out for quite a while. It had been a year since Jon passed. I was through the hardest part....and then I didn't know where to go. I made a lot of new friends. And then I just went crazy for a while. I drank a lot. I partied really hard about 3 to 4 nights a week and then wondered why I didn't have any money. I remember the exact day it started. I was finally feeling better, getting through my days easier…and one night I was out with some new friends, and some old friends, and we drank, and I was HAPPY! It felt so good to feel GOOD again! I knew I had to be careful, especially given the history on both sides of my family. But as the months went on…I just kept going. A few weeks ago I thought "There's a fine line between finding one's self and losing one's self". The people who have never lost themselves….didn't get it. I'm lucky. For almost a full year, I was out in the deep end….acting completely out of sorts, and not knowing where this behavior was even coming from. But really….it was just a part of it. In September…..I finally got back on track. No significant event really took place. Over the summer I kept very busy and played a lot of volleyball, then I landed a couple decent projects at work….and things started to fall into place. Since September I've felt good. I can go out, I can stay home, I can do whatever….and I feel in control again. Maybe that's just how it has to be. Year one was nothing but grief. Year two was just insanity, trying to find what made me happy again, now we are fast approaching year three. Things are going well. I just started working on our Wellness Committee at work. I'm passionate about that. We're going to try and promote physical and mental health to our employees. As well as that, I'd like to encourage support for people coping with loss, cancer, abuse, etc… I feel good about this project. I hate Halloween. Haven't dressed up since I was about 12. This year….I did it. Dressed up – went all out. And you know – I had a great time! Again…turning a new leaf. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has always been one of those weird holidays for me. This year I'm hosting Thanksgiving for my family. I'm a little nervous but I'm overall excited. I have a great family and am excited for them to come. And I think it's going to be a great way to start building new memories. I think 2009 is going to be a great year. It has to be. It has to be.